Can we talk? Why feedback is your friend

There’s a famous quote that reads “if you’re open to constructive criticism, then you’re open to truly growing as a person.” Those are words I’ve lived by, not just in my professional life, but in everything. It doesn’t matter how many years of experience we have, how virtuosic our knowledge of subject matter is, or how resolute we are about our feelings and opinions.

There’s always room for improvement. Personal and professional growth cannot happen if we don’t learn to give and receive feedback, a topic that the CKP team explored in a company lunch and learn event with Glenn Taylor of Skybound Coaching and Training.

According to the Harvard Business Review, studies show that “more than 69% of us try to sidestep communicating negative information, and 37% won’t give critical feedback at all.”

Receiving critical feedback was a central part of my college experience. I attended the Eastman School of Music in Rochester, New York, as a music performance major playing the French Horn. There was a certain amount of privacy and emotional safety in receiving critical feedback in one-on-one lessons from someone you trusted to have your best interests in mind. However masterclasses, orchestra rehearsals, chamber music coaching sessions and competitions were forums in which young musicians often received criticism in the presence of classmates, faculty, staff, and the general public. Sometimes the feedback was delivered in a constructive way. But when frustration flared in rehearsals, emotions and passions could sometimes transform the feedback from being supportive and growth-focussed to negative, biting jabs.

At my integrated communications agency, the need for honest and constructive feedback is just as strong and important as it was in orchestra rehearsal at the music conservatory. Each of the elements in an integrated campaign—public relations, content marketing, and advertising, for example—need to work in concert with one another so the campaign can be executed with optimal results. Everyone on the team has to be able to give and receive feedback effectively to make that happen.

There’s a scientific reason why even the idea of receiving feedback feels painful: Our brains interpret the exposure of our vulnerabilities as a threat and begin a fight or flight response. So how do we change our mindset so that receiving feedback doesn’t feel like a threat to our intellect, aptitude and abilities? Here are six tips to make the process more successful.

Feedback via phone, text, or email is prone to confusion and misinterpretation. Avoid this frustration by meeting in person when possible so both parties can read body language and tone to clarify meaning through active dialog. The exchange can lead to other discoveries and further improvement.

If feedback is only given once a year during reviews, then the process becomes nerve-racking. Moreover, when feedback is only given when something goes wrong, anxiety about the conversation clouds the potential positive impact. Feedback is powerful when it’s part of your process and culture so your colleagues know when and how to expect it.

Balance feedback with a combination of appreciation and suggested improvements. Get in the practice of offering genuine positive and critical feedback, and avoid the “feedback sandwich” technique that seems fake and rehearsed.

Vague feedback isn’t helpful. General comments such as “you’re doing a good job” or “you might want to improve your communication skills” aren’t useful either. Instead try to focus the feedback exchange on particular situations that highlight specific observed behaviors.

Words matter when giving critical feedback. Conversational and observational language is more effective than accusatory, and tone tends to be even more important than your chosen words. Work on both so the exchange is healthy and positive. So instead of making judgements about a person’s intent, focus on the impact that behavior has on others. For example, avoid statements like “You don’t value the opinion of others,” and try something like “I’ve noticed you tend to talk a lot in meetings, and I have some ideas about what we can do to ensure others contribute to the discussion.”

Giving well-intentioned feedback with the desire to grow your team’s skills takes practice and time to develop. Don’t be afraid to role play with a colleague to become more comfortable with your language and delivery style. The more you do it the more effective you’ll be at having sensitive conversations that will yield positive outcomes.

It’s a worth-while investment that will be applicable in many situations, both personal and professional, and has the potential to completely transform your business.

A version of this article first appeared on Forbes